Zippy The Sportswriter, BKA Tony Kornheiser...

> washingtonpost.com > Sports > Columnists > Tony Kornheiser
>
> Tony Kornheiser
> Wizards, Capitals: Losing Propositions
>
> By Tony Kornheiser
> Wednesday, January 14, 2004; Page D01
>
> On one hand it's great that the Redskins' search for a coach ended so
<snip>
>
> At the moment, the Wizards are 27th in a 29-team league. And the teams
> beneath them, Atlanta and Orlando, are 3-1 against the Wizards this
> season. (Ordinarily at this point I'd call for coaches to be fired.
> But the Caps already did that, and the Wizards just hired their guy in
> June. As it is the Caps are on their third coach in three seasons, and
> the Wizards have had 10 in eight! Remember Gar Heard and Leonard
> Hamilton? They were Nos. 6 and 8. Bingo!) Currently, the Wizards are
> on a 7-24 tear and if Abe Pollin is serious about staying as owner
> until the Wizards win another championship, we'd better get a few
> thousand Snickers bars, because we're going to be here until the end
> of time.
>
> Speaking of owners, did you see what Ted Leonsis said the other day?
<snip>
> fault, it's not my fault." Whose fault is it? Pete Rose's?
>
> The Wizards have been losing big for so long they don't have five-year
> plans. They're not that ambitious. They have five-game plans. And
> 10-game plans. Win a championship? Are you kidding me? LaSooz is
> simply hoping to get you into the building.
>
> And here's what you see when you get there: Not Jerry Stackhouse. Not
> Gilbert Arenas. Stackhouse and Arenas are the Wizards' two best
> players.

HA! Even when Zippy is hot, and picking on the weak, and thus mostly
correct, he has succumbed to the hype. Arenas and Stackhouse are the
Wizards MOST EXPENSIVE players. In Wizarddom this MUST be the same as
BEST. The ancient wizardly formula for permanent ineptitude.

> Except they don't play. Stackhouse hasn't played one minute
> this season. Stackhouse's time line goes like this: He signed an
> extension to give him a contract worth $33 million over four years,
> and then had a knee operation to clear up a problem he had before he
> signed the extension. (But Stackhouse had the operation after he
> invented the eight-day week on summer rental property.) Arenas, who
> the Wizards have agreed to pay $64 million over the next six years,
> has a strained lower abdomen that will cause him to miss at least 15
> games. He already missed 15 games earlier with the same injury. So by
> the time the Wizards have played 50 games, Arenas will have missed 30.
> But consider how good he'll be at pool when he does return, now that
> he won't miss shootaround to play.
>
> Oh, one more person you won't see for the next five games is Christian
> Laettner, because he violated the NBA's drug policy. Of course there
> are some who'd say the only reasonable way to get through a season
> with the Wizards is to be on drugs.
>

Except that that way you're not WITH the Wizards. Zippy needs another hit.

> A couple of weeks ago Ernie Grunfeld, the new GM, said he wasn't
> looking to trade just yet. Grunfeld said he wanted to see what kind of
> team he has before trading anyone. I'm sure he'll let us know when
> he's seen enough.
>
> C 2004 The Washington Post Company

I hope so.

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Rick Hohensee
Precision Mojo Engineer